Friday, May 23, 2008

Peanut City

So I made a rare trip down to the vending machine today. It’s a relatively new one; it has probably only been there for a year or so. Some of you may recall the rocky relationship I had with the last vending machine. Anyway, I decided to get a Snickers bar.

When I pulled the bar out of the chute, I noticed that on the back of the package it had the word PEANUTOPOLIS printed in large blue letters just like how SNICKERS is printed on the front. It didn’t strike me as significant – just some sort of advertising gimmick.
When I started eating the candy bar a few minutes later, I noticed some writing on the inside of the package. I pulled the rest of the bar out to read it:

Peanutopolis \pE-nut-ä-pu-lis\ (noun). A state of mind making you feel very strong and powerful, almost mayor-like.

It induced nausea. I can’t even begin to analyze the badness of it because it is so bad. I understand that I am likely missing something because I haven't seen any advertisements that might explain this otherwise inexplicable drivel. But still, does it have to be this bad? I am considering a Snickers boycott. I guess they won’t care much because I have never been a consistent Snickers consumer. But I’ve got to believe this made other people besides me feel sickened, a little icky, and violated.


Nick said...

I'm wretching. My class is staring at me wretching.

JennyW said...

My favorite part is "almost mayor-like." I've had freshman comp classes that could write a better "definition" than that. On with the boycott!

Cabeza said...

While I am indeed perplexed by how stupid Snickers seems to think we all are, I don't know if I can maintain more than one candy boycott at a time.

Yes, I'm still abstaining from blue M&Ms. Never has a blue beast touched my tongue.

Honestly, though, I don't really buy many candy bars. And when I do it's usually either Twix or KitKat.

So what would be a better definition for Peanutopolis (ignoring the obvious choice of not having made up such a stupid work in the first place)? City founded by George Washington Carver? The name of Jimmy Carter's presidential library?