Court Sides with Insurance Companies 5-4

In a stunning announcement today, the Supreme court says it has sided 5-4 with insurance companies in a case involving discrimination against individuals with large hands.

Lawyers representing Blue Cross Blue Shield claimed that the plaintiffs with large hands- large enough to cover their faces, in all probability have cancer, and that screening these people is a constitutional right guaranteed insurance companies by the constitution.

When asked today about his decision for the defense, Justice Antonin Scalia merely raised his hand up to his face and said, “Would you insure someone with hands this big? I didn’t think so. I mean come on, it’s something we all learned in elementary school- people with hands large enough to cover their face have cancer.”

According to the transcript, when supreme court newcomer Samuel Alito questioned the validity of the defense’s claims, Justice Ginsberg dared him to put his hand on his face.
Justice Ginsberg- “Come on! If you don’t try it how can you know?”
Justice Alito- “Now really, I just don’t see why… OUCH!”
Justice Ginsberg (chuckling)
Justice Roberts- “Order in the court!”