Friday, March 17, 2006

Reflections of a semi-new parent

Thursday was Lucy's seven month birthday. It wasn't until I looked at pictures of Jon's new baby did I realize how much we had both already grown.

She's getting big. She's at least 17 pounds by now, which is over triple her birthweight. She's gone from the cute but relatively inanimate lump she was as a newborn, to an active, smiley, giggly, almost crawling baby with a personality all her own. Somedays as she wakes me up at 7:00 for her breakfast in bed with us I say to myself- Where did you come from?

7 months ago I could sleep in until 9:30 in peace. I hate getting up early, and yet it is one of the favorite parts of my day when I awake to the sound of her legs thumping against the mattress which is her way of politely telling us- I'm ready for breakfast! Time to come get me! I go in, and the instant she sees my still sleeping face she breaks out into a smile as if she thought she was the only one left in the world and was happy to finally see someone else. She starts shaking her arms and legs, and babbles in delight. Its kind of a big self esteem boost that someone is so exited to see you every morning that they can't physically restrain themselves from going into convulsions. So I pick her up, take her to a still sleeping Jenny who groggily serves her up some breakfast in bed. After eating, it is then play time. Play time with mommy and daddy's hair that is. (well, mommy's hair) We then spend an hour subjected to getting slapped in the face, scratched, hair pulled, noses sucked, and babbled at in a surprisingly loud voice considering it's coming from a 17 pound human. But we lay there trying to sleep with smiles on our faces.

As far as I can remember, I've always wanted kids. I wanted them when I was a kid. Maybe it's a part of my Mormon upbringing, but I don't think so since I know so many other Mormons my age that either don't want them, or don't want TOO many. I've always thought it would be so fun to have this little person that you know YOU made, and YOU get to help form them as a person. I've always been attracted to that idea. Some days the awesome responsibility of it still scares me, but not enough to not want more, and from my short 7 month experience thus far, I love it. It's funner than I thought it would be. I used to love coming home so I could be away from work (or school). Now I love coming home so I can see that face explode into ecstatic delight upon seeing her daddy. (Yes, I come home for you too, Jenny) As a baby, she still has that ability to show any emotion she feels and not feel self conscious about it. I love it. I envy it. How many of us break into a huge smile and start laughing and shaking when we see a loved one after not seeing them for, oh, 8 hours? It's something that I wouldn't mind she teach me.

So Jon, and Randy, and anyone else with a newborn or expecting one: congratulations. I envy you.

That'll have to be all for now since I hear some little thumping legs calling me.


Jenny said...

I can't figure out a non-cheezy way to leave this comment, so please forgive, but one of my favorite things about having Lucy around is watching her relationship with Nick develop and seeing how much he enjoys her :)

morgan said...

I would just like to add my own thoughts on this subject. It amazes me how much love I can feel for our 4 month old little girl, (Alison corrected me, she's almost 5 months old. Which technically IS still 4 months) especially when all she does is poop, eat, and sleep (Alison corrected me again, she also smiles and laughs and sucks her feet, and rolls). I remember when she was born. It was on a Monday morning. Before that all she was to me was a big bulge in Al's tummy. I mean, she was more than that obviously, but I was about connected to her as I could be to say, a basketball. I've often thought of the feelings I had when she was born. With every other person that I love (including Alison)that love has been something that developed over time, slowly. It takes time to get to know people, and even longer for you to say you really love them. But when Grace was born, it was like one second she was a bulge and then the next she was this little person that I loved will all my heart. It hit me like a ton of bricks; I wasn't expecting it at all. I'm not sure what I was expecting (if anything) but was an experience that has really changed my outlook on life. I love Grace. (and Alison)

erin said...

I sure don't feel that way about my paperclips, but I like hearing about it. In fact, (and this isn't any kind of attempt to sound non-cheezy), it almost brought me to tears to read these comments. It reminds me of something I was told once when I got a primary calling--that I'd discover huge resevoirs of love that I didn't know I had...or something like that. I think it's so cool that our capacities, like our existence, are infinite and ever-expanding. It's like those ending verses of "If you could hie to Kolob" (and I'm probably misspelling everything here) that talk about no end to these virtues. Glory and majesty and love and all that just seem to grow exponentially. Anyway, thanks for the insights.