Friday, June 09, 2006

Crazy People

Normally, when you see someone sitting by themselves, holding their backpack in their lap, looking wild-eyed back and forth while yelling the F-word at the top of their lungs, you think maybe they just had a bad day. Today, as I saw just such an individual at the train station, it became very clear to me that this person was not normal. I think he had mental issues. Or maybe he was REALLY drunk. Or possibly he had post vietnam distress syndrome. In retrospect, I think it was all three, by which you can probably guess it was a pretty interesting 15 minutes as I waited for the train to come.

It all started as I just barely missed my train by 20 seconds. So rather than run to catch it, I decided just to sit and read a book while I waited for the next one. (Jenny has been suggesting books for me to read since I finished LOTR. I just finished The Name of the Rose, a gripping thrillride where someone is murdered in the Louvre and we find out that Jesus might have been married to... Oh wait, I mean it was a gripping thrillride set in a 13th century monastary in Italy where a possibly gay monk is found dead, and a Sherlock Holmes type monk is brought in from England to figure it all out- "it all" meaning who killed the monk and why, and who committed the other 6 murders that soon follow the first over the course of 6 more days. Anyway, good book.) I sat down 6 seats away from this normal looking guy with his backpack in his lap, normal until I heard him muttering to himself what sounding like the F-word and the sh-word. Over and over and over. Then, about a minute into this, he started yelling them very loudly- not connected with any other words , just those two words by themselves, over and over. Loudly. At first I wanted to move to the other bench, but then the adventurous part of me said "Wait, lets see where he's going with this...."

Soon, he started mixing in other words with the swearing. I remember something about going down to Saigon to investigate something rather, and other stuff about Vietnam, still at the top of his voice. That's what made me think that maybe he was a vietnam vet who still hadn't quite adjusted. Then I got the waft of alcohol (a still very fresh memory from my mission. (Not from me drinking, but from all the bums that approached us on the street)) that was very strong in his direction.

It got very interesting when another girl sat between him and me. At first she just talked on her cell phone while he yelled his swear words, but then he started directing the swearing at her. She told her friend something about meeting her at a train station at 1:20, and then he started yelling "HEY! I'LL MEET YOU THERE! AT 1:24!!! AT 1:24!!! YOU STUPID UGLY B****!!!!!!" This was followed by more kindly remarks and swearing, including "YOU'RE NOT A REAL BLONDE!!! I KNOW REAL BLONDES!!!! YOU'RE SO FAKE YOU UGLY FAT B****!!!!!" Needless to say, had this come froma sane person's mouth, it would have been quite offensive. In this case, it was just slightly amusing and a little sad. Me and the girl looked at each other after some of his more outrageously offensive statements and shared a quiet chuckle. We were both reading books, and he accused her of not knowing how to read ("STUPID B*****!!!"), and me reading the Bible. (Not that I mind being accused of reading the Bible, its just that the book I was reading was very unbible-like). The kicker was when he referred to me as her N*gg** boyfriend reading his bible. That got me laughing out loud.

The train arrived, and the girl and I both boarded, but he stayed behind. It made me wonder what on earth he was doing there in the first place- the train going in the opposite direction had already left, and he didn't seem to be in a hurry to get anywhere. Who is in charge of this man? He is clearly not able to function outside in the world unattended. Why did they leave him at the train station? Did he escape from somewhere? Or does he really not have anyone to help him out and he just rides the train all day from station to station, stopping only to sit and harass strangers for an hour or two? It made me kind of sad. I hope I never become that crazy and Jenny is forced to just let me roam around the city being a spectacle for other's pity. I want to go out in style- with alzheimers!



5 comments:

Jared said...

Two things: "Wait, let's see where he's going with this..." made me laugh out loud. I began to wonder where he possibly could go with this. I was *pleasantly* surprised.

Second, I'm not sure that "unbible-like" is a word. But I'll allow it.

Jenny said...

That line had me laughing too ...

Nick said...

I wish I could say that I hadn't plagiarized that line, but I did. I was inspired by "Car-jacker Willie" waving a gun in the courtroom:
Bart:Dad, do something!
HomerWait, let's see where he's going with this...

erin said...

I can't stop giggling about this post. I hope someday to have a t-shirt that says, "Wait, let's see where he's going with this..." I feel like this happens to me all the time and sometimes I wait just a little too long, but it's always an adventure. The way you tell things, Nick, every moment is an adventure. I can just imagine you as a guy like that, shouting and muttering alternately with a crowd milling around...then they shake their heads and start to leave and you jump up and say, "Wait a minute, folks! Don't you want to stick around and see where I'm going with this?"

Jenny said...

But it's an effective plagiarism because you really made it your own--it sounds like you (maybe what's really going on here is that you have incorporated the Simpson's into your speech patterns to the point that you are a Simpson ...)